Having spent time in conversation talking about important aspects of your life together in preparation to writing your wedding or marriage vows, have you talked about MONEY? Your money, his/her money, ‘our’ money.
Money is as intimate, personal, and sensual as sex. You will think about money as often or more often than sex!
I have asked you to begin writing your personal vows together in shared conversation where each of you talk about the dream you have for your individual lives and the dream you both have for your marriage or partnership but what this really is, is an exercise in communication.
You are going to find out if you really are on the same page, so to speak. This means that you both are going to question what it is you think you heard your partner say.
When writing your own personal and unique wedding or commitment vows, what you are doing is lining up your sight with your vision. You are going to intentionally begin seeing with new eyes.
Sight is the mechanics of seeing what is out in front of you and taking it in and making judgments based on that information.
Vision is the dream you have for your life together created first in your imagination and then seen it through your eyes.
Every day find a way to show appreciation to people you love. When writing your personal wedding or commitment vows find a way to add this or something like it into your vows: “I will remember to tell you ‘I love you’ and ‘thank you’ every day and not take for granted the little things you do to make life easier and happier.”
Not only show appreciation to your partner and your children, if you have any, but to other people who give you service.
A lucid dream is one in which you control the outcome. You actually become conscious in your dream and take on the role of director rather than your dream taking you all over the place in whatever way it wants.
Dream therapists say that we can change our lives by becoming lucid dreamers.
I say it in a different way. I tell you that when the time comes to be writing your own wedding or commitment vows, that you must sit down together and get very clear about the dream you have for your life together.
This is your waking dream. This is the dream that is your marriage or your partnership.
Your wedding vows have more power than you might imagine. But the power comes not so much from the writing of your wedding or commitment vows but from continuing to read those vows every day.
Sometimes you read your vows by yourself and other times you read your vows together-at least once a week.
Your wedding or commitment vows are for the purpose of creating dreams that give you passion for Life and Each Other.
Commandment #3 is about staying passionate–with yourself, your partner and the third entity which is the marriage.
Lately I am hearing all sorts of news about the problems with new marriages. This last item was about infidelity. It’s estimated that within the first year anywhere from 20%-50% of couples will have been unfaithful to their partners. The explanation is that this is a cry for help because of intimacy issues! It forces conversation and help.
The best time to talk about infidelity is not after it happens but before it happens, when you are sitting down and in the process of writing your wedding vows. That’s why I put together my innovative and unique perspective around writing wedding or commitment vows.
BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO HAVE EVERY CHANCE POSSIBLE TO HAVE A HAPPY, PASSIONATE AND INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP.
IT DOESN’T JUST HAPPEN.
A STRONG INTIMATE MARRIAGE HAS TO BE PLANNED FOR!
Commandment #2 is ‘Honor each other.’ Writing that into your wedding or commitment vows is an important element because you are going to read those vows every day and you want to be reminded that sometimes you will have to look past appearances.
Your partner will falter, make mistakes, forget who s/he is, do stupid things.
Practice high-vision. This means that there will be some times that you will have to hold your partner’s vision for him/herself. You will have to see more than is presented at face value.
When you begin writing your wedding or commitment vows you are actually setting up your emotional bank account against which everything you do as a couple will either be a deposit or a withdrawal.
The balance in your account will be a huge determining factor on how intimate, easy and fun your relationship is.
The promises you write into your vows are the guidelines that you can use to keep the currency flowing into instead of flowing out.
I want you to write your vows in such a way that you are depositing emotional dollars into your accounts on a daily basis. That way when there are some challenges that arise you will have the emotional capital to draw on.
