I want to challenge each of you to think about your wedding vows as the tool that will help you create the  ultimate relationship prize—a marriage and partnership that reflects the love, passion and intimacy you have right now, multiplied.

I’ve just been reading about the XPrize,  a  public competition intended to encourage technological development that benefits mankind. The prize is $10 million dollars. It reminded me that a strong, passionate, purposeful marriage is a prize winner, even if you can’t put a dollar value on it.

Here’s how the XPrize works: A group of highly innovative and creative thinkers get together and do some ‘visioneering’ for the purpose of bringing about radical breakthroughs for the benefit of humanity. 

The goal is to arrive at a project which individuals, companies and organizations can take on to help boost humanity’s progress. Winners receive the prize. 

 ‘Visioneering,‘  for the two of you, is about  brainstorming and imagining your marriage and life together. It’s a little like taking a peek into your future and then incorporating the results into your wedding or marriage vows.

Your vows are the promises you make to each other stating what you will do to keep the passion, intimacy, trust and humor alive—forever. They are NOT sentimental reflections of how you feel. They are born out the vision you develop for your life together.

That’s why I want you to write only one set of vows.  Not two. Your vows are to reflect shared values and goals.

Take a look at some of the descriptions for the process of ‘visioneering’ I found in that article about the XPrize.

·         Aggressive brainstorming

·         Wildly optimistic solutions

·         Snythesize ideas

·         Skeleton outline

·         Radical breakthroughs

·         Frame and mold ideas

·         Coming up with all the reasons and emotions that underlie a position

·         Provide a role in recruiting and energizing members

·         Take a peek at the future

·         Create a prize model

I want the two of you to sit down together and dream, brainstorm and imagine what your marriage and relationship looks like as an ideal life in 2, 5, 10 or more years. You are living a lot of those elements now. Use that passion to help you leap into the future.  

Print out the descriptions above. Keep them close by.

The big question for you is this:

 “How are we going to keep the love and passion we have for each other right now alive and thriving instead of it diluting into a 50% divorce statistic?”

I challenge each of you to begin talking about everything from sex and money to children and how you are going to give yourselves back to the world.

You can do this in the car, over breakfast or dinner, doing the dishes, making love.

You are creating a prize model–Sit down together and incorporate your vision into wedding vows.

Then keep reading those wedding or marriage vows because that is how you continue to energize each other and the relationship.  It’s also a good opportunity to solve problems  before they become too big to get over.

Keep the prize in front of you.

Drive it with passion. 

Sustain it with optimism.

Live it every day!

Love You,

Rev. Linda Bardes,

Helping couples create a dream and then live it!

Make sure to check out the main site: www.weddingvowsandceremonies.com

There is an art to writing wedding or marriage vows. I was reminded of that when I saw a remarkable video of Jake Shimabukuro playing his Ukulele on TED.

That performance of Queen’s Bohemian Rapsody was enough to make one weep.  When I went to YouTube and to check out other videos I found many. They show his mighty and amazing versatility on the lowly and often laughed at ukulele.

That man can do things with four strings and a little piece of wood  no one ever dreamed could come out of it. It is not your traditional hulu ukulele playing.

And you, too,  can do things with your marriage vows that no one ever expected you could. Your vows can be the single most important inspirational tool in your marriage and relationship toolbox. 

Your vows are the promises of what you are going to do to keep the dream alive and thriving. You are going to keep playing those vows over and over again until you become relationship virtuosos, like Jake Shimabukuro is a Ukulele master.

This guy makes love to his ukulele. Sometimes he cradles it in his lap and strokes it sensually.

Sometimes he jumps around tickling it to laughter.

Sometimes he heats it up with his strumming until it’s almost on fire!

He calls a Ukulele an instrument of peace. I’m not sure why but when you listen to him you can’t turn your ear away. You become mesmerized. You fall in love.

Your wedding or relationship vows can become just that, an instrumet of peace and passion. That’s what I want you to do with your wedding or marriage vows. I want you infuse them with the passion it takes to make them come alive. But like Jake’s ululele, your vows are just an instrument waiting to be played and seduced into magic by attention and repetition.

Jake plays his music with his whole body mind and spirit and if you and your partner wrote your vows like that, and then continued to read them with interest and expectation, reactivating the passion and power you put into every word with your dream, it will stand up and dance on it’s own some day without even trying.

Write your vows as though they were an instrument to be mastered.

You do that by:

-          Writing only one set of vows, not two.

-          Knowing what you want, what your dreams are:  For yourself, your partner, your relationship and your marriage. Talk it out. Talk about dreams and goals, sex, money, family, houses, philanthropy. That’s the foundation you will build your vows on.

-          Continuing to read those vows over and over again. Jake learned how to play his ukulele by playing it over and over and over again until he knew what it could do so well that he no longer had to think about it.

The more you read your vows after the wedding ceremony, the more they become part of you. The more you read them the more you create the path to sustained happiness and passion. The more you read them the more you play your relationship without thinking.

Jake’s ukulele does not play itself.  He still has to pick up his instrument. It’s his hands on the strings and wood that brings the transcendence.

Likewise, our vows will not play themselves. You have to keep them alive by reading them. You transcend them by knowing them so well that together you become living, breathing vows.

Love You,

Rev. Linda, The Wedding Vow Coach

Can you believe it?

Someone out there found a way to capitalize on the 50% divorce rate by offering Divorce Insurance.

The best divorce insurance you can have is for you to write your own personal wedding or marriage vows in such a way that they become as important and powerful as a legal document!

There IS a right and a wrong way to write your own wedding vows. I want you to realize that right now before you begin writing your vows.

Your wedding, marriage or commitment vows are the promises of what you will do to keep the dream you have for your life together alive and thriving.

They are not some sentimental, mushy phrases. Those sentiments have a  place in your wedding if its important to you but ask your wedding officiant to find somewhere else in the marriage ceremony for you to express you hearts deepest feelings.

Wedding or marriage vows are not feelings. They are specific and measurable actions you are going to take to keep the dream you have for your marriage and relationship alive and thriving.

When it comes time for you to recite your wedding vows, or commitment vows, they will be built on articulated goals and dreams that you have discussed, gotten excited about, and infused with passion and fire.

Then every time you read those vows you will reinfuse them with that passion and power.

You will keep refiring your goals and dreams.

Your wedding, and then marriage vows, are not a one time thing. They are to be read over and over again. That’s one of the 10 Commandments of Marriage.

That’s how you stay way above that 50% failure rate. That’s all the ‘divorce insurance’ you need.

Check out my EBook on how to write the perfect wedding and marriage vows and download a frameable copy of the 10 Commandments of Marriage.

Love You,

Rev. Linda, The Wedding Vow Coach

When you sit down and begin writing your own personal wedding or marriage vows I want you to have a dream and a vision of your marriage and life together that is so clear it acts like the fuel on a rocket that shoots it into orbit where the law of gravity then plays its part.

All big things start out with a liftoff. Your wedding or marriage vows can act as that liftoff. You don’t want wimpy, sentimental phrases because they don’t give you the leverage you need to soar and keep soaring.

You need a dream, or vision or goal. Your vows, then, are the promises of what you will do to keep that dream alive and thriving.

This quote from James Ray conveys the ideas I want you to embrace when writing your wedding vows:

The human spirit will not invest itself in mediocrity, and you need that human spirit to achieve what you want. Your goal should be so exciting that you have butterflies in your stomach! That’s how you unlock the power of the mind and put it to work for you!

When asked the question “What do you want,” answer with all the things that stir up your passion and those butterflies! Think big! The “right” goal should vacillate between scaring you and making you extremely excited!

You are going to build into your vows the promises of what you are going to do to get ‘all the things that stir up your passion’ orbiting and then stay in orbit.

You see, you are not going to be able to keep soaring all on your own. A rocket uses up something like 80% of it’s fuel just to get into orbit. Then it just portions out enough to keep it in orbit where the force of gravity acts upon it holding it up.

So dream BIG; think BIG, act BIG upfront; and keep that dream in front of you by continuing to read your vows and the 10 Commandments of Marriage.

The more you review your vows the more your joint emotional gravity holds your relationship  in it’s intended orbit.

Take some time to discuss the big things in your marriage: money, sex, religion, houses, trains, cars, vacations, philanthropy, etc.

Get excited about all it. Give a voice to it. Describe the big goal.

Then discuss how scary it all is, because as James said, the ‘right goal should excite and scare you at the same time.’

You were meant to soar. Your partner was made to soar. Your marriage and partnership was made to soar. Your marriage vows will help you do that.

You can download a totally free copy of the 10 Commandments of Marriage at www.weddingvowsandceremonies.com.

Love you,

Rev. Linda

The Wedding Vow Coach!

When writing your wedding vows I want you to remember that you are in it for the long haul and write your vows based on the dream you have for your life together on a long term basis. This means more than just ‘being’ in love. Which has been often defined as ‘temporary madness.’

Your vows are about creating a strong, foundational love and enjoying all the benefits that means for a very long time.

Let’s look a bit at the idea of being in love and how it relates to your wedding or commitment vows by reading this quote from Captain Corelli’s Mandolin. You might even choose to have someone read it at your wedding ceremony.

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part.

Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion.

That is just being in love which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.

I want you to write your wedding or marriage vows so that they are powerful enough to twine your branches into one trunk without taking away what is individual to both of you.

Some Hydrangea bushes have pink blossoms on one side and blue blossoms on the other. They have one root system but two different and unique colors on the same bush.

Have a big, long term dream for your own lives and for the life of your marriage.

Make it come alive by keeping that dream in front of you by reading the vows or part of them every day; putting together a vision board that you have in front of you where you have to look at it often; and by reading the 10 Commandments of Marriage.

Too many marriages end because they fall from fantasy without a safety net to secure them. They live only in the present and have no real future life.

Your vows are your safety net. They are the promises of what you are going to do to keep the dream of your marriage alive and thriving and intimate. Write them with purpose, passion and have fun doing it!

Download the totally free 10 Commandments of Marriage and get more information on how to write vows that help you make the transition from fantasy into long term reality.

Love, light and laughter,

Rev. Linda, The Wedding Vow Coach

Helping couples write down the dream and then live it!

By Rev. Linda

Did you know that more advances and discoveries having to do with how the mind works were made in the 1990’s than ever before? I mention that because that is knowledge that you can use when it comes to writing your wedding vows and using them to create a mental foundation for your marriage.

What I want you to do is to take the discoveries about how the mind works and integrate them into the writing your wedding vows. Create wedding vows with intention and mindfulness. What you are doing is giving your subconscious, or emotional mind, a very clear purposeful direction.

Because, you see, one of those discoveries I was talking about was that your subconscious mind (sort of like an operating system for a computer which can’t do anything it hasn’t been previously programmed to do unless its program is rewritten) doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what is imagined.

That one discovery has vast and very important implications for you. Because you can make your mind believe whatever you want. You can imprint a design and if you do it with passion and purpose, continue to reinforce and support that imprint, it will eventually become the operating system and you will automatically think, act, react, and live your life and the life of your marriage from those standards.

You will be creating values with enormous potential by taking some time to write your wedding vows. To talk about them together.

Do not go off into separate rooms at separate times to write vows that you can surprise your spouse with at the time of the wedding. It’s important that you sit down and talk together and paint your wedding vows with the colors of your imagination verbalized.

I want you to have the most amazing beautiful life possible. All I’m asking is that you take a little time to get clear about what it is you want, talk about it, write it out, pledge it and then keep on reviewing it over and over and over and over.

To help you ‘keep the dream alive’ pick up the totally free 10 Commandments of Marriage.

Love, light and laughter,

Rev. Linda, The Wedding Vow Coach
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Having spent time in conversation talking about important aspects of your life together in preparation to writing your wedding or marriage vows, have you talked about MONEY? Your money, his/her money, ‘our’ money.

Money is as intimate, personal, and sensual as sex. You will think about money as often or more often than sex!

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I have asked you to begin writing your personal vows together in shared conversation where each of you talk about the dream you have for your individual lives and the dream you both have for your marriage or partnership but what this really is, is an exercise in communication.

You are going to find out if you really are on the same page, so to speak. This means that you both are going to question what it is you think you heard your partner say.

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When writing your own personal and unique wedding or commitment vows, what you are doing is lining up your sight with your vision. You are going to intentionally begin seeing with new eyes.

Sight is the mechanics of seeing what is out in front of you and taking it in and making judgments based on that information.

Vision is the dream you have for your life together created first in your imagination and then seen it through your eyes.

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Every day find a way to show appreciation to people you love. When writing your personal wedding or commitment vows find a way to add this or something like it into your vows: “I will remember to tell you ‘I love you’ and ‘thank you’ every day and not take for granted the little things you do to make life easier and happier.”

Not only show appreciation to your partner and your children, if you have any, but to other people who give you service.

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