March, 2009

Lately I am hearing all sorts of news about the problems with new marriages. This last item was about infidelity. It’s estimated that within the first year anywhere from 20%-50% of couples will have been unfaithful to their partners. The explanation is that this is a cry for help because of intimacy issues! It forces conversation and help.

The best time to talk about infidelity is not after it happens but before it happens, when you are sitting down and in the process of writing your wedding vows. That’s why I put together my innovative and unique perspective around writing wedding or commitment vows.

BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO HAVE EVERY CHANCE POSSIBLE TO HAVE A HAPPY, PASSIONATE AND INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP.

IT DOESN’T JUST HAPPEN.

A STRONG INTIMATE MARRIAGE HAS TO BE PLANNED FOR!

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Commandment #2 is ‘Honor each other.’ Writing that into your wedding or commitment vows is an important element because you are going to read those vows every day and you want to be reminded that sometimes you will have to look past appearances.

Your partner will falter, make mistakes, forget who s/he is, do stupid things.

Practice high-vision. This means that there will be some times that you will have to hold your partner’s vision for him/herself. You will have to see more than is presented at face value.

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When you begin writing your wedding or commitment vows you are actually setting up your emotional bank account against which everything you do as a couple will either be a deposit or a withdrawal.

The balance in your account will be a huge determining factor on how intimate, easy and fun your relationship is.

The promises you write into your vows are the guidelines that you can use to keep the currency flowing into instead of flowing out.

I want you to write your vows in such a way that you are depositing emotional dollars into your accounts on a daily basis. That way when there are some challenges that arise you will have the emotional capital to draw on.

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When you hold yourself high with integrity and self respect and never compromise your values you can trust each other absolutely. It’s the basis for everything else that defines your marriage. And it’s what will define your wedding or commitment vows when you sit down to begin writing them.

Consciously determining what those values are will set the tone of your entire life.

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Honoring yourself may seem like a strange way to begin the 10 Commandments of Marriage. Yet the idea of putting yourself first is not about a selfish, ‘me, me, me,’ attitude, it’s taking care of yourself so you have the mental, emotional, spiritual and physical energy to nourish and sustain yourself and your partnership.

When you hold yourself high with integrity and self respect and never compromise your values you can trust each other absolutely. It’s the basis for everything else that defines your marriage. The writing of your wedding or commitment vows will reflect this.

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An important aspect of my innovative and unique philosophy around writing wedding or commitment vows is that you have got to find a way to keep those vows alive and thriving right from the beginning.

Because I believe if you attend to the little things right from the start your marriage or partnership does not have to be hard. You will have attended to things as they come up, settled your differences, and moved on.

One way to keep your marriage or partnership thriving and intimate is to keep the dream you have for your marriage alive and in front of you.

Ten ways to do that is by following the 10 Commandments of Marriage.

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Do you have any idea of the possibilities that you will liberate and set free when you write your own wedding or commitment vows and do it with passion, power and purpose?

Writing your own personal vows gives you the opportunity of a lifetime to create a blueprint, a vision, a dream, of the life that you have for yourself and for your marriage or partnership.

That possibility and potential exists because, when you have talked intimately and purposefully about your life together, you create a powerful pull that acts like a magnet and begins to draw to you everything you would ever need to live the life of your dreams. This includes the people, things, opportunities, experiences, and money!

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When you’ve taken time to get clear about the dream you have for your life together and promise what you will do to keep it alive by writing your own personal wedding vows, you want people to hear you when you read and pledge those vows to each other at your ceremony.

When your guests can hear everything that takes place at your ceremony they can be present in a way that most guests aren’t. Most people are not fully present because THEY CANNOT HEAR WHAT IS GOING ON!

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When writing wedding vows maybe it would be a good idea to promise to ‘practice kissing every day.’ Not just a little peck on the check, or a brush of the lips, but the real endorphin popping smooch!

Because studies on kissing have unlocked the secret behind that perfect smooch. And it begins with the chemistry.

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When writing your wedding or commitment vows keep in mind that you will want to keep them alive and thriving. I have a new ritual that you can use at your ceremony to anchor in the heart of your vows and to give you something you can continue to repeat that will re-invigor and return you to the spirit of the dream that you wrote into your vows.

You are going to literally ‘breathe life into your vows.’

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