Writing Wedding Vows–Check Your Communication Skills

I have asked you to begin writing your personal vows together in shared conversation where each of you talk about the dream you have for your individual lives and the dream you both have for your marriage or partnership but what this really is, is an exercise in communication.

You are going to find out if you really are on the same page, so to speak. This means that you both are going to question what it is you think you heard your partner say.

Practice these two sentences:

1. “What I think you’re saying is… did I miss anything? and
2. “Please, tell me what you think I just said.”

To parody a cell phone ad:

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?

DID I HEAR YOU RIGHT?

I’m going to share something personal with you. In some ways I’m a little embarrassed to do this but here goes:

During my marriage I would hear my husband say some things that I was pretty sure I understood.

Later, maybe months later, when I would repeat those words back I would be told that he did not say those words.

Well, was I confused. I figured that I had simply not understood what he said.

That happened many times.

After the marriage ended we were having a discussion about something that had to do with our kids.

As the conversation went on I called him on something had said (a first). “I didn’t say that,” he insisted.

And so I repeated to him exactly what he said.

“Well,” he said, “That isn’t what I meant!”

What I realized at that moment was that I had married someone who did not say what he meant.

Instead of questioning, or asking for clarification, I assumed that I had understood.

I did not.

Faulty communications was one of the main reasons for the end of our marriage. Do I wish I could go back and redo the communication issues? Absolutely. Because I believe that it is entirely possible that if I had learned good communication skills I could have brought both of us to higher levels of communication, respect, and patience.

Often all it might take is one person who realizes that communication is often not what it it appears to be and asks questions.

In a nonjudgmental or confrontational way.

Experience can be a great teacher if one of you is awake and aware.

So, when you sit down to begin writing your personal wedding or marriage vows keep saying:

“This is what I heard you say? Am I correct?”

“Please, tell me what you think I just said.”

Remember to start with “Please, . . . . .”

For more help all along the journey of your relationship, before and after the ceremony, I wrote the 10 Commandments of Marriage. Asking for clarification is not on the list. When you download the totally FREE copy write it on the bottom.

The 10 Commandments are free because it is my gift to you. 10 Commandments

Love, light and laughter,

Rev. Linda Bardes

The Wedding Vow Coach

Helping couples write down the dream and then live it!

Rev. Linda is a non traditional minister with a unique and innovative perspective on the importance of writing wedding vows to create powerful marriages. Read more: www.WeddingVowsandCeremonies.com