Writing Wedding Vows-Have You Had the Money Talk?

Having spent time in conversation talking about important aspects of your life together in preparation to writing your wedding or marriage vows, have you talked about MONEY? Your money, his/her money, ‘our’ money.

Money is as intimate, personal, and sensual as sex. You will think about money as often or more often than sex!

They are the top two reasons for the disasterous divorce statistics.

You owe it to yourself and your partner to get the money conversation out of the way before it becomes a problem.

Unless you have the whole topic of money out in the open, under control, and have a plan relating to how you save, spend and give your money you have dug a huge hole you will most likely fall into.

Thinking about not having money will get in the way of all your plans for your life. It creates tension and fear. There is no energy left for sex, laughter or fun.

So get that talk out of the way NOW.

When it comes to money most couples are dishonest because they simply haven’t opened up about their money history or the beliefs they have around money. They may not have lied but they haven’t told the truth either.

When you are writing and pledging your wedding or marriage or commitment vows you want them to reflect the dream you have for your life together. That can only happen if they are written from a place of honesty.

One reason it doesn’t come up is because before the marriage it’s ‘my’ money and ‘your’ money. After the ceremony it becomes ‘our’ money. It gets downright personal.

This talk should be a separate conversation. Don’t mix it up with anything else.

Money intimacy is about honesty and trust.

‘The money conversation’ often doesn’t even come up because some people are embarrassed about their past and fear being judged.

Telling each other about your money history, your money experiences, your debts, your plans, your thoughts about money may not be an easy thing to do.

Begin by promising each other that you will listen and practice being nonjudgmental. That way you can ask questions without being hostile.

Some of the areas around money that are important to discuss are:

• Debt- This includes credit card debt, student loans, and other debt you have.
• How many cards you have between you and how much credit you have-Having too much credit can be tempting to use. Decide on what is a realistic amount of credit and close out cards that you don’t need.
• Past money problems-This is important in that this helps you explain your emotions and beliefs about money. Also, if your credit score is low it may effect your future borrowing capacity.
• Look at bills you currently pay-this helps in the budget and you may find that many of your bills will be eliminated or combined in more economical ways.
• Disclose your savings and checking accounts and your current savings plans. Discuss how you want to handle these once you are married. Put together a plan for both of you to save.
• Who Pays What -Who will be responsible for paying what bills? Plan on how both of you will partner on the responsibility of keeping track of spending, savings, etc.
• How Will You Handle Spending - Discuss how you will handle purchases. Put together a plan for how you will go about purchases and what kind of purchases you’ll both discuss before making.
• Retirement Saving-Do you have any retirement plans? Talk about how you both feel about retirement. How you will save for it?

You’ll want to begin your married life with a budget and a plan. Then stick to it unless it is obvious that you need to change it. Then talk about money again and make your corrections.

By continuing to have money conversations, corrections can be made; there will be few surprises and honesty, trust and intimacy will continue to build; your relationship will be strong enough to support each of you in ‘living the dream’ you wrote down when you were writing your wedding or marriage vows.

Other ways to keep your marriage strong is to follow the 10 Commandments of Marriage. I have a totally free copy for you. It’s totally free because it’s my gift to you! 10 Commandments

Love, light and laughter,

Rev. Linda Bardes

The Wedding Vow Coach

Helping couples write down the dream and then live it!

Rev. Linda has a unique and innovative philosophy about the importance of writing personal wedding and commitment vows and how they can create powerful marriages and relationships. Read more.